Soon after starting my first TV news job at a small NBC affiliate, I was assigned to cover a hostage standoff. Swat teams were negotiating with a man holding five children and a woman. Police thought the crisis would end quickly after the man, a family acquaintance, let one of the kids go.
As the standoff dragged on, I started drafting a script so I'd be ready to go on air as soon as it was over. A gunman has just released four children and a woman that he's been holding hostage in this house...I wrote, trying to get my headline just right.
Hours passed. Things grew quiet. The phone line went dead. After nearly a day with no response from the gunman, swat teams got ready to storm the house.
I don't remember exactly how we got the official word: "They're all dead."
The man must have herded the mom and kids into the basement and shot them before killing himself since no one heard any gun shots.
Escaping to one of the TV station's soundproof editing suites, I screamed, "No! That's not the ending I wrote, God!"
The murders pierced my heart with a pain I'd never known before. Somehow I felt responsible - not that I thought I was God and could script outcomes - but I'd expected the kids to come out alive, not in bodybags.
I had to meet with my producer but first I made a vow: I would never hurt like that again. Not for anyone. I willed my tears to dry up. From then on I would pursue justice armed with a news camera and a heart of stone.
Maybe I was trying to make atonement for those children's lives. Whatever the case, in time I, too, would become a hostage. Trapped. Unable to feel deeply. to cry. to love.
I opened the newscast on cue. Six people, including four children, are dead tonight after a tragic ending to the hostage standoff we've been following.
I learned that day that a human life is worth a minute and 45 seconds on the nightly news.
www.facebook.com/shayholland
I love you Shay and want to thank you for being honest and real all the time and especially in this post. Its a true story and a good time to be angry but sin not.
ReplyDeleteAnd too bad but your heart is NOT stone; this I know.
Mama Melody
(((HuGs)))
Dear "Lips",
ReplyDeleteWe know that every single experience and decision we make matters in the tapestry of our lives. Thanks for sharing bits of your journey, I hope it will speak deeply to those who have made a similar decision - to "never hurt like that again for anyone". I agree, it puts us into the prison of our own making - and we forget we have the key to the door! I'm SO glad that God cares about our lives more than network news! God bless you.
dear aunty shay-shay,
ReplyDeletei liked ur story cuz ur keeping it real. violence is real. i wkd w/ felons & drug addicts in SF. some people are afraid of the truth or wht they don't understand. thats the basis of most racism. ur writing is amazing. keep up the gd wk. we miss u. come visit-i hv a new couch !! love u, even if ur in LA, tall beth ann
Thank you all for the comments--I've been pondering the feedback and hope you don't mind if some of you end up in another post!! If so, drop me a note and I'll respect your privacy, or that you're hiding from the law.
ReplyDelete