How to Break Up and Keep Your Heart Intact

"Begin Again" Taylor Swift.

It is insanely painful. ~ Jennifer, on breaking-up

While Taylor Swift has mastered the art of channeling break-up pain through her music, when it happens to most of us, we just hurt. intensely. insanely. like we will never love again. ever.

Those of us who are the "loyal-like-Rihanna-is-to-Chris type" understand the dread of losing relationships.

It's over. Because you feel cheated. Tired of the constantly changing terms.

Sing it, Taylor, girl:

You paint me a blue sky and go back and turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game but you changed the rules everyday. 
("Dear John" by Taylor Swift)

Endings always leave an empty space.

Recently I was walking out a very real heartache as a friend messaged:  He hurt me today deeply.

She shared of one of those moments when the earth drops out from under you – a time for tissues, Häagen Dazs and girlfriends.

Yet, amid the tidal wave of emotions, I could hear love. Demanding. Shouting. YOU WILL LOVE AGAIN.

How?  How do you mend a heart that's shattered into a million pieces?

My friend knew she'd done the right thing breaking up with a man who was not meant to be her husband.  And there in her pain, came perspective so many of us need to hear.

Even though he may be a great man, he may not be YOUR man.

Loving yourself may mean having the courage and fortitude to let go. And be alone.  It may mean eating dinners alone. Nights alone. Holidays without him at your side.

In our hearts, we know spending a lifetime with someone we're not meant to be with would be worse than breaking up.  But, oh, it is insanely, intensely painful and lonely. RIGHT NOW.

And indeed, you will have doubts every day, says Jennifer.

I try to think of some word of comfort.  Some verse of hope.  Some promise from heaven. And all that comes out is...

"Time WILL heal the wound. Life WILL be beautiful again."

...trying to decree healing where right now there's only broken pieces.

Shut the door.  Eat M&M's until your fingers turn rainbow shades. Weeping may endure for the night. But in the morning, wake up expecting a new chapter to begin.  Because that is His promise.

And when you feel like you're finally starting to breathe on your own, love will come knocking. Daring you to open the door ever so slightly.  And you will find that your heart has healed and reawakens to something new...reshaped through pain, readied to love again.

Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again. 
 
~Taylor Swift, "Begin Again"