Nov 28, 2012

Hope, Meet Miracle.

Soon the river that runs behind my brother's house in the Midwest will be frozen solid.  Visiting for the holidays, I found myself wishing the calendar said spring already.  

Instead...barrenness. 

Still, it was almost as if the bright winter light held a message.  Wait.  Something new is coming...at the right time. 

When you've waited a long time - years, decades - for a dream to be fulfilled, that place in your heart eventually starts to feel desolate.  

Maybe, like me, you've waited for a spouse.  Barren.  

Or a breakthrough.  Barren.  

Or a child.  Barren. 

And yet...hope holds on.

I'm not one of those "name it and claim it" Christians.  Faith is no guarantee every desire will be fulfilled.  But there are some that carry a promise; those ones will come to pass.  At the right time.

But how do you know beyond a shadow of a doubt whether a dream is a mere yearning or a sealed promise from God?

At the river bank, I see a glimpse past the barrenness - to spring; forests teeming with new life.  And somehow I know, again, that I'm standing on a promise.  There is a peace that comes when you trust a matter is settled in heaven.  

And you know an introduction is about to be made.  Hope, meet miracle.

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Nov 2, 2012

Mean Girls

Lindsay Lohan star of "Mean Girls."  Photo:  Humza 
A talent agent told me I come off too sweet. "Too 'pink,' not enough flavor," she said. "We need to see the naughty in you."

I can hear my childhood friends roaring with laughter.  I was a mean girl long before Lindsay Lohan.  

The trouble started in 1st grade with a new kid at school.  He  didn't fit in wearing Sunday clothes to school.  He cut in line at recess. I punched him.  He socked me in the eye.

By 4th grade I'd moved on to bullying - teachers. "Hey, guppy lips!"  I taunted one who had a mouth like Mick Jagger.  

Another time Mrs. L. broke down in tears as I led a class revolt against 'the witch.' 

By high school I was hanging out with a crew of misfits who cut class and drank Mickey's in the park. 

Despite the trouble, A's came easy.  "You're going to college," my dad insisted, shipping me off to the Ivy League with the warning, "I don't do bail once you're 18."   

Later as a crime reporter, I confronted killers, gang members, sleazy politicians, with the steeliness of a true mean girl. 

Yet God - radical love - had somehow begun to pierce a hardened heart. 

Too sweet? A friend put it best: "When you're looking for a brand of 'edgy' that is filled with desperation, despondency, depression and dejection and encounter a different brand of edgy filled with love, joy and peace it's difficult to deal with." 


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Oct 17, 2012

Failure. Grace.


Funny how the closer you get to a dream, the more impossible it can seem. The nearer the time of fulfillment, the greater the battle.

After working with a TV coach for two months, I'm ready to shoot my new reel (video to send casting directors). In Hollywood, the reel can unlock destiny.

To think this reel will open doors is nuts really.  I'm just one of thousands among many who are more talented/prettier/younger/sexier chasing the dream.   

I recently failed so badly, I almost quit.  The battle raged not with shouts, but whispers:  not good enough.  not worthy...

Back in journalism school, a professor advised us to write down our names before live broadcasts.  "The pressure," he warned, "can make you forget even that."  

Seemed like absurd advice.

And then it happened. I froze on camera.  Gratefully, only a studio audience witnessed it instead of countless TV viewers.

"What happened?" asked my coach.  "I didn't expect you to freeze."  

Neither did I.  Unscripted TV's always been my strength.  I'm used to adlibbing, no teleprompter, thanks to years of covering breaking news. 

I lay awake tormented by fear and a perfectionism that can neither forget nor forgive such a fundamental blunder.  And then...a new whisper:

Sometimes failure is the gateway to My grace.

But what if it happens again?  On live TV?  What if the failure is so great, people won't forget it? 

My grace is sufficient.

This grace - there is only way one to know it.  It requires moving forward when every impulse screams quit.  And soon you discover grace is fighting the battle for you.


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Oct 10, 2012

All That Glitters...

All that glitters...that saying about fake worth is so true in Hollywood, where breasts, lips, buttocks are traded like used cars.  Even though I'm used to being around women with enough fillers and implants to make a mannequin jealous, I find myself battling the image pressure.

That's why Alissa and I went for every beauty trick in the book (excluding plastic surgery) for the Emmys: brow jobs, false lashes, hair extensions, exfoliators, bright red mani/pedis, fake tan, Spanx, more makeup than the Kardashians.

And in the end we were left feeling...not very beautiful.  We lost ourselves.  

"I felt so overdone with crazy eyelashes out to here and these big red lips," said Alissa. "It was too much. I felt like a tranny."

The makeup counter promises and dressing room skinny mirrors were like fool's gold.  Yet the over-the-top glam  left us feeling fake and awkward, especially me since I let others convince me to buy a girly dress instead of a simple one so I was squirming like a six-year-old in a church pew.

Our experience proved that nothing is as alluring as a woman at ease in her own skin.

"We tortured ourselves," said Alissa, "wanting to be who we're not." 

After the show we came home, washed our faces and went out - sans the glitter. 

"Your drinks are on me," said the first man who saw us, "because you are the most beautiful women here." 


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Sep 25, 2012

Emmys: Red Carpet Ready - Part 3

Ryan Seacrest interviewing "The Good Wife" Julianna Margulies
We sizzled at the Emmys!  The show literally heated up Sunday night — with the temperature climbing to 100 degrees by the time we hit the red carpet.  

The arrivals usually offer the best view to see TV's leading stars on their biggest night and even the heat was no competition for the steamy fashions.  

Our day started with a quick run to the mall for last minute accessories before meeting HMU (hair and makeup) artists at my apartment. And that's when I discovered the air conditioning had gone out!  With no maintenance around to fix it on a Sunday, we turned one little fan on blast and did our best to match the glitz of nominees like Zooey Deschanel, Tina Fey, Sofia Vergara, Claire Danes and Nicole Kidman. 

Ryan Seacrest was interviewing The Good Wife's Julianna Margulies on the "E" Entertainment podium when we arrived. We took our time heading into Nokia Theater, where late-night talk show comedian Jimmel Kimmel was set to host the three-hour salute to TV's best. 

The show came off very safe, nothing outrageous or offensive. Even the biggest prank—Saturday Night Live comedian Tracy Morgan appearing to pass out on stage—somehow fell flat.

The big surprise award went to Outstanding Drama Series, with Showtime's Homeland, beating out perennial winner and darling, Mad Men. The Outstanding Comedy series award was no surprise, going to ABC's Modern Family for the third year in a row.

Mad Men set a new record after being shutout in every award category despite 17 noms, a record previously held by Northern Exposure.  Mad Men had won awards the past four years but perhaps much like the Emmy's three-hour running time, it may have outrun it's charm. 

Honestly, the show itself feels even longer live than it does sitting at home in the comfort of your living room. The live audience invariably ends up missing segments during commercial breaks with too little time time to head to the lobby, wait in line for beverages and get back to your seat before it's time for the next segment.
 That's a wrap. Enjoy our view from the red carpet!

red carpet arrival
I'm not sure all the craziness of awards shows are worth the massive amount of time and expense they entail but even so, it's a Hollywood rite of passage so we'll be back.  
Michael J Fox to the left of his wife in the green dress
yours truly rockin the red carpet

Michael J Fox received a standing ovation during his awards presentation

Zachary Quinto from Heroes and Star Trek

Nominee Julianna Margulies (one of my favs) at the E! press line

Sep 19, 2012

Red Carpet Ready - Part 2

Good news:  received our Emmy tickets.  Bad news:  still haven't found a gown.  Seems like I've tried on every dress in LA - driving miles in 100 degree heat just to be zipped and cinched like a Hefty sack.

Raised in the Baptist South, fashion and makeup were not priorities. The few style lessons we were taught included: 

1. Avoid red lipstick; people will think you're a whore
2. ALWAYS make sure your skirt hem covers the knee
3. Exposed cleavage? that is the unpardonable sin (raising a tomboy who wouldn't be caught dead showing cleavage probably saved my parents a heart attack) 

While I outgrew overalls and learned to 'paint my face,' I'm not sure the Baptists were totally off base in thinking that caked on makeup was an attempt to mask poor self-esteem or that splurging on exorbitant fads was wasted opportunity to help the needy.

But after working in Hollywood, I've come to find a balance between the Baptists and the beauty-makers.  Seeing a makeup artist transform a face or a fashion designer create a garment out of shapeless fabric is as inspiring as when any artist turns the ordinary into the divine.
Emmy host Jimmy Kimmel and execs roll out the red carpet for Sunday's show
Fortunately we have stylists for the Emmys. I might even go strapless. Or wear red lipstick. Yes, my Baptist friends may feel the need to host an intervention.
--
Check out photos of my road to the red carpet here.

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Sep 10, 2012

Red Carpet Ready

Kerry Washington at the 2011 Emmy Awards Photo:  International Business Times
Starting a series on the road to the red carpet!  I'll be live at the Emmy Awards on Sunday, Sept. 23, 2012 www.emmys.com

Designer gowns, tuxes, celebrities...Hollywood produces more red carpet events than anywhere in the world.  Next up: the Emmys!  Thankfully I've become more fashion savvy since moving to LA.

Hired by Backstage magazine to cover a film premiere at Grauman's Chinese Theater, the assignment didn't include a stylist. Thus, I committed the cardinal sin: wearing flats on the red carpet.

"How could you?" a friend actually said to me.  Well, as an investigative reporter I'd spent more time behind crime tape than velvet ropes.  Try perching in Christian Louboutins at an all-night hostage standoff.

Soon after going to work at The Hollywood Reporter, my boss told me I'd be attending the BAFTA Awards (British version of the Oscars) - that night.

I felt like Cinderella.  I'd be rubbing elbows with guests like Denzel Washington and Julia Roberts and I didn't have a gown.  My former TV stations had taken care of everything when we needed formal attire so there'd been no need to buy a gown that could only be worn once on-air.

Enter fairy godmother (they do exist!). A co-worker must have heard me sniffling in my cubicle. "Stand up," she ordered, visually taking in my measurements.  "Come with me."

My fairy godmother drove me to her Hollywood Hills home where a lady-in-waiting (ok, her daughter) met us.  An aspiring stylist, she'd seen to every detail from gowns to makeup to glass slippers (ok, high heels).

The ballroom, a sea of silk and diamonds, was just like the fairytale.  At the end of the enchanted evening, my chariot (ok, taxi) was waiting.  

I didn't think of it before but one detail was missing.  Where was Prince Charming?
--
Check out part 2 of my road to the red carpet here.


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